First off, February is Valentine's Month. My favorite holiday of the year, mostly for the colors and the candy. So, for those of you curious about the "Red, Pink or White and Impractical" Valentine tradition: Aaron met the qualifications with his usual stylized, but thoughtful performance. The girls got a craft from Michaels! of course, it was a wood craft that they could do with Dad, and to meet the color guidelines it was topped with a red, foil wrapped chocolate ladybug. I got a serving dish (white) that I've been longing for...with a ladybug of my own. All delivered after the suspense of individualized, yet simultaneous and competing treasure hunt clues! Great fun.
And just as we were finishing up, my mom, dad and McKay arrived for a week long visit. Our days together were highlighted with swimming, stampin' up, playing Carcassonne, and watching episodes of Planet Earth.
A few days later my Grandma and Grandpa Quinn ('great' to the kids) came for a fun visit. We enjoyed making cool to the touch "owie packs" after running down supplies from every store in town from the $ store to Walmart to the local nursery. Grandma and my girls have the same love for shopping genes. Grandpa helped Addie make special Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss treats for her kindergarten class. And we enjoyed a chilly but fun adventure to the Grand Canyon. In between all of this Addie and Grandma had on-going battles of Uno games. In the end, Addie claims, they both won the same number of games.
This was a month of 'heavy chats' with Addie. It's funny how those never leave you feeling like the wise and mentoring parent, but totally inadequate instead. And why do these pivotal and sensitive discussions always arise spontaneously? You never have time to prepare and organize your thoughts. Here is a glimpse into two that stand out among many. Both occurred at the kitchen counter while I was making dinner. Both conversations were initiated by Addie, out of the blue, after a period of non-conversation. I draw some interesting observations from that including 1. the kitchen is the heart of the home and family dinner (including preparation) nurtures a lot more than the body. 2. be a good listener. kids know what they want to talk about. 3. quantity time is what leads to quality time. just be together and good things will come of it.
#1 Deep Doctrine
A: "I get it mom. Adam and Eve had to be the first people on Earth because they had no mom and dad so Heavenly Father just made them grown ups."
T: yup.
there was some light discussion on the garden of Eden and the fall, then...
A: "wait, mom. How could Heavenly Father give them a rule not to eat the fruit, but they had to fall to get bodies and be tested?"
T: uuuughh...... I don't know. That's confusing. I'm trying to think what the scriptures and prophets say about that (I'm trying to sound like I know what's up, but get no where with it). Well, I guess that is a question I still have. But I can tell you this about it. God will always set us up for good- He won't hurt us It's really important to God that people can make their own choices and I think it has something to do with that. I can't explain everything, but I'm okay with that, I know enough to know the gospel is true.
Upon reflection I figure the knowledge of those things is more important than knowing the hows and whys of the story anyway. I hope Addie took that same thing away.
#2 Homosexuality
A: "so&so is star of the week this week!"
T: oh, that's nice. Did you learn anything interesting about her?
A: "yea, her grandpa is a girl!"
T: oh.......! (eyebrows raised, voice trailing off)
(I turn my back to her. Send an instant message to the Lord, that I'm going to brush over this one and deal with it later. Just 30 min. earlier I had to give the 'school safety' talk when she brought a letter home informing us a kid had brought a gun to her school. That's a touchy one to have with a kindergartner to let them know the guidelines without scaring them to death.)
I do some minor due diligence to see how much of an issue it is and the accuracy of the report. She is persistent about this as a point of interest from her day and about her friend. I take a deep breath, send another silent message to heaven and say,
T: "okay, I'll explain this so you can understand what happens sometimes, but it is probably not the kind of thing you should go back to school and discuss with ____."
Luckily we had been reviewing the primary scripture for the month which was, "The Family is ordained of God." from the Proclamation. So I started there, explaining that God created families and he is the only one who can say what a family is. Then I moved to the fact that some people don't know God or choose not to listen to Him and they try to say their own ideas about what a family is. etc. etc.
I make it as brief as possible and as generic as possible. I don't even use any technical homosexual terms. She sits for a moment at the end absorbing it all. I can see the wheels turning in her head. Then she gets a thoughtful look in her eye and tilt of her head and says,
A: "hmmm. Maybe the girl she was pointing to really was her grandma and she just said it was her grandpa. And the girl was her grandma"
T: (after a dumbfounded moment of silence, and a feeling like the joke's on me and Heaven is chuckling) There was a boy and a girl in the picture? (I swear I asked questions to cover this!). Yeah, it sounds like she has a family like God planned and it just got confusing when she was telling the class about the picture.
Post Script: an entertaining conversation between Aaron and I in the days preceeding Valentine's Day. It is a bit of a narrative really, and involves some confessions about each of us.
T: I just want you to know our vaccuume is going to break soon, so you should prepare yourself mentally, emotionally and financially to buy a new one. (I hate vaccuuming to begin with and I really hate my vaccuume)
A: Well, let me salvage the motor first.
T: Don't take too long, because that is about the only way I can think to break it. (pause) I guess I could throw it off the deck. But just so you know I don't plan on every using it again.
(A few days later Aaron is fiercely protecting the computer screen from my view as I wander in and out picking up and taking care of things)
A: I'm shopping for a Valentine's present. Don't look!
(I'm feeling impressed and flattered already that 1. he is actually putting some thought and sentiment into a gift and 2. he is doing it 7 whole days in advance. He just takes better and better care of me the longer we are married. But then about 10 min. later he is still at it and I've had time to get to thinking...)
T: This probably isn't the case, but it just crossed my mind and I thought I should clarify: a vaccuume would NOT be a good Valentine's present.
(He wilted. His hands fell from the mouse, his shoulders slumped and he turned to face me)
A: It wouldn't?
T: No! For real!? You are really looking for a vaccuume for me for Valentine's?!?
A: Why not? I was going to get a red one.
T: No way!
However, in the end he came through with flying sentimental colors. He usually does, but that was a close call.
Aaron did ask why a serving dish met the 'impractical' guideline. He was worried I'd call him on that. I said it is because I like cooking and it is more of an embellishment than a tool. Obviously his intuition told him that when he picked that out as a gift. His heart is good when he doesn't let his head get in the way; hence the guidelines.
